"Where are all the good men?"
"Someone kind, hardworking, devoted to family, and good at his job."
People like that are usually already taken. Someone kind and good to his family finds a partner quickly.
Look at the ones who are left, and each seems to be missing something. He only works, or he is lost in his own hobby, or he barely talks.
Seen through the Four Pillars, that shortfall reads a little differently.
The person from the drama is not in any chart
The lead in a drama is handsome, rich, good at his job, and tender only toward you.
In Four Pillars terms, he is someone whose every force is overflowing, yet none of them clash with each other. No such chart exists.
The eight characters of a chart always hold some forces that are plentiful and some that are scarce. What the art of destiny reading has long looked for is not perfection but balance (中和): how to even out forces that lean to one side.
要在損之益之得其中. (Di Tian Sui)
The key is to take away and to add, and so find the middle.
A good chart is not a flawless chart. It is one where what overflows has a way to be reduced and what is lacking has a way to be filled.
The two faces of an overflowing force
People with overflowing energy shine outside the home. Someone full of vigour and passion tends to get results at work.
But when that energy flows only outward, the home tends to be left empty. He comes home late, and even at weekends work comes first.
On the other hand, someone calm and good to his family can seem slow to achieve things outside.
The same force can be a strength and can also be a shortfall. So, seen through the Four Pillars, a good person is not someone without flaws but someone whose overflowing energy has a place to flow.
Is the shortfall of the ones left over a defect?
That the ones left over seem to be missing something can mean their energy is concentrated on one side.
Whether it is games, sports or collecting, throwing yourself into one thing is also a path along which overflowing energy flows. Because that path exists, some people are actually calm at work and in relationships.
What matters is not the kind of hobby but whether that flow harms the relationship or is something you can live alongside.
First, know who you need
Let us recall once more the commentary of Ren Tieqiao (任鐵樵) that we saw in Lesson 3.
凡女命之夫星, 即是用神 … 不可專論官星為夫. (Di Tian Sui, Ren Tieqiao's commentary)
The husband star in a woman's chart is her Useful God (用神). … One must not take the Officer star alone as the husband.
The Useful God is the force that eases the lean in your chart. Put into today's words, a good partner is not the person others call good but the person who eases your lean. This holds for men and women alike.
So what you need to know first is not the other person's conditions but yourself. Beside what kind of person do you feel at ease, and with what tendencies do you often clash?
There are many reasons why people marry later and why more people do not marry at all. One of them may be that, while waiting for someone out of a drama, we never learn the shape of the person who actually suits us.
So a good person for one person can be a bad match for another.
There are people who have plenty of money and ability but keep straying outside the home. Their households may be in constant turmoil over affairs. For some, this is simply unbearable; others weigh the comfortable life more heavily and put up with it.
The point is not to say which side is right. Knowing what you can put up with and what you can never accept is the first step toward knowing the person you need.
Conditions change; tendencies remain
Money and family background change over time. A thriving business can decline, and someone who had nothing can rise.
Tendencies live with you for life.
So with money and family background, rather than how much someone has, you only need to look at two things: whether there is debt they cannot handle, and whether their habits with money are healthy. As we said in Lesson 6, it is keeping, more than earning, that decides a household.
What is rising these days is divorce among couples who have lived together a long time. In 2025 total divorces fell from the year before, but divorces among people aged 65 and over rose by close to 10% (Statistics Korea (National Data Office), 2025 marriage and divorce statistics). For some of those couples, what never fit in the end, after long years, may have been not conditions but tendencies.
An example: a Metal Day Master with a lot of Fire
Suppose your Day Master is Metal (金) and your chart has a lot of Fire (火). Fire is the energy that melts Metal, in other words the Officer star that presses on you. It can be read as a chart that takes in a great deal of responsibility and pressure.
The energy such a chart needs runs in two broad directions.
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Holding the fire with Water (水): water puts out fire. This is the way of directly pressing down the overflowing pressure.
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Letting the fire flow through Earth (土): fire gives birth to earth, and earth in turn gives birth to metal. This is the way in which the pressure passes through earth and turns into strength that supports you.
Which way suits you depends on the strength of your Metal. If your Metal has some strength to hold out, Water can hold the fire. But if your Metal is already weak, it loses even more energy by giving birth to Water. Then Earth comes first.
Translated into people, it can look like this.
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If you are in a position of managing people and work: the fire of responsibility is always burning. Then you tend to be at ease beside someone like earth, who quietly supports you at home and steadies you when you waver.
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If you work at a company and take pressure from above: you need somewhere to release the built-up heat. Someone like water, who listens after work and cools a heated mind, tends to be a strength. But if you are already worn out, someone like earth, who simply stays by your side rather than talking it through, may come first.
Even with the same Metal Day Master, the shape of the person you need changes with the position you are in and the kind of fire you are taking in. The good person for you is not the flawless person from a drama, but someone who holds your fire or lets it flow, right now.
A simple guide to finding someone who suits you
First, look at which forces overflow and which are lacking in your own chart.
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If a force overflows: you tend to feel at ease beside someone who takes that force and lets it flow on, or someone who holds it in check just enough.
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If a force is lacking: someone who has that force tends to fill it in.
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When looking at the other person: see where their overflowing energy flows, whether into work, sport, hobbies or people. Someone whose energy has a place to flow can actually be easy to be with at home.
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As for conditions: check only debt and money habits.
None of these is a formula that decides compatibility. They are clues for looking at your own side first.
Summary
Common view
Through the Four Pillars
A good person
Someone who has it all
Someone whose energy has a place to flow
The shortfall of those left over
A defect
The direction in which energy is concentrated
What to look at first
The other person's conditions
The tendencies I need (Useful God)
Money and family background
The more the better
No debt and healthy money habits are enough
What lasts
Conditions
Tendencies
Whose story
How to pick a man
The same for men and women
How Mingyeong reads it
What overflows and what is lacking in your chart, and how that lean can be let flow and filled, can be seen on Mingyeong's Chisu Jungdo theory (balancing the flow) screen. See which paths historical figures with a similar temperament chose in their own era, and compare them directly with the paths open to you now.
Mingyeong’s readings are based on traditional interpretation and historical records. They are for reflection and do not predict or guarantee the future.